Dear Husband, You Aren’t ‘Helping’ Me. It’s Your Responsibility, Too.

An open letter to my husband (who bizarrely already knows about this post!)

Dear husband,

This morning, you loaded some washing into the machine and said to me perhaps what seemed to be the most bizarre thing of all,

“I’m just helping you.”

You’re just helping me.

Helping me do… what exactly? You’re helping me run our home.

But don’t you live here, too?

Dear husband, running our home is not something that I have to do. It’s something that I do while you’re at work because I am at home. But when you’re home, it becomes our shared responsibility.

In the evening, do you not feed the dog? Do you not take him outside? Do you not cook some meals or empty the kitchen bin? Do you not load the dishwasher sometimes?

Then why is everything else my responsibility?

Dear husband, responsibilities are not something that are assigned to people based on their sex or gender. They are assigned to us based on our age, intelligence and level of maturity. If we are both old enough and intelligent enough to use a washing machine, then really, we are both old enough and intelligent enough to be using it.

It is not my responsibility because I am smarter (although, I dispute that), it is our shared responsibility because we both know how it works. If you can do it, do it. Why do you need to be doing it for me?

Do it for us.

Everything, in all that we do for our home and all that we achieve, is our shared responsibility. We chose to take this adventure together, we chose to share our lives with each other (and that means all of our lives, not just the happy and difficult bits). Unfortunately, we have to do the mundane bits (like putting our clothes away) before we can get to the really, really good bits. I’m sure you know where I’m going with this..

Dear husband, I know you want nothing more in life than to make me happy, and know that for the most part, you really do. I love sharing every moment with you, I love reflecting on the good times with you and all of the memories shared. I love spending every moment with you, no matter what it is we do nor no matter what we get up to.

Dear husband, know how much I love those days that we work together, we clean together. We share so much and we reflect back on the progress made. Those are some of the best days! There is a wonderful sense of accomplishment, a sense of accomplishment that I get to share with you. We’re essentially doing not much together, and yet, in the most bizarre way we are still creating so many wonderful memories. No matter what happens, I will always remember you not only as the man I wanted to share my life with, but also as the man that I could share my life with, as a team. Dear husband, you mean everything to me!

Dear husband, this year has been a tumultuous year and I can never thank you enough for being right there with me. Know that I love you, that I adore you and I hope to spend many, many more years sharing my life and my responsibilities with you. Know that I love waking up with you and living that which is our life together, our day. Know that I hope that there will be many, many more of those equally exciting and mundane days.

But, dear husband..

Please never, ever regard your part in completing those shared responsibilities as ‘helping’ me.

With oh so much love,

Helen xx

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